Not my newer, "current" ones.
I miss the ones that I once swore I would never let go. I miss the ones that have proven they can be more than just a laugh and a good banter. I miss the ones that deserved SO much effort from me when it came to our friendship and never got it, nothing like what they put into it for me. I miss the ones that are so understanding and patient that I just feel even MORE guilty at my lack of effort because they deserve so much more from me T_T
I hate that I haven't spoken to them or seen them since Christmas Eve. I hate that I really wish I could reach out to them somehow and try to fix things, but I'm too scared that it's too late. Too much time has passed and they'll have moved on and forgotten about me. If I were to try and pick up where things left off no doubt they would only think "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about you...why are you trying to speak to me/meet up now? There's no point o.o..."
I hate that I have presents sitting in my room for them from Christmas like two years ago and onwards, collecting dust, because I never seemed to have them with me when I saw them, and I'm too scared of trying to give them to them NOW, after having lost contact for so long.
I hate that I'm going to turn 19 in 6 days and I want nothing more than to see them and hang out again like we once did, but I don't know how to take that step and ask them if they could be there. I'm scared of how they would take it. But even worse I'm scared of what it's supposed to mean if I don't get in touch and ask them.
I wish I could talk about how I've finally finished Tsu Chro, and about how I have a new boyfriend, one who knows about my fanfiction and supports me.
I regret making the choice I did, however sensible it seemed at the time, to go to someone else's birthday party just because it was their 18th as opposed to your 19th and they'd specifically said to me "You there" when I asked what they wanted for their birthday. Especially now that I realise how forced and one-sided that friendship was.
I am so sorry to the friends that I miss, I put all of my effort into someone that put no effort in back, and hardly any into the people who HAD tried for me.
I just...really, really, really miss you guys and wish you were here :(,
Carrie xxoo
- Mood:
nostalgic
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
knw, who, btw, has an insane amount of pasison and love for this band, and will always remain in my mind the number one fan of these people of all time, and the person I would TOTALLY go to for all questions Tokio Hotel related ^_^ So, the thing is, I got amazingly curious, and wanted to sort of investigate Tokio Hotel, but never got around to it.Until tonight.
For some insane reason I stayed up playing guitar hero for hours until all unplayed gigs had been played (and I totally killed my fingers in the process), and I was slightly shocked when I glanced at the screen and vaguely read the phrase "Tokio Hotel" on it before it all disappeared to begin playing the actual game. So I never got a chance to confirm what I saw, but I had thought it had been the second song in the gig, and thought to myself I couldn't wait to get to song 2 to see what song it was and if it was Tokio Hotel if I thought they were any good. So here, I was, and song 1 starts up, and rapidly my thoughts on how I expect song 2 to be awesome are shoved out of my head by the UNexpectedness of song 1 being awesome. I was like "Actually, I really like this song! I wonder who sings it, all it said at the end of the song was that it was called Monsoon....so I carry on playing, find out that song 2 WASN'T Tokio Hotel and felt a minor disappointment.
Then, finally, when I get to the end of the gig and can see all songs, what do my eyes fall upon, none other than the first sing, Monsoon, by TOKIO HOTEL!
Ha! I have FINALLY listened to Tokio Hotel, and loved it, WITHOUT being biased either way cos I never realised it WAS Tokio Hotel for there to be expectations in the first place! ^_^ w00t
All that's left to do now I find more of their stuff and decide if that song is a fluke or if I really do like their stuff :P
If so,
knw , you may just have found a new reader for your Tokio Hotel fics ^_^ *waves merrily*,Carrie xxoo
LJ is the only thing I go on every day but that's just to read my flist and possibly comment and shizz. Never seem to actually post anything :S
But! One thing I previously was failing at but amn't now is....*drumroll*....I'M FINALLY WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER OF DIAGNOSIS!!! :O
w00t!!! ^_^
And thank CHEESE for that XD...it's been faaaaar too long since I updated. Poor reviewers :(
And it's partly all thanks to Ben, my new boyfriend ^_^ He kicked me off of msn to start writing :P I only got like 8/900 ish words out, but it's a start, and it's better than the big fat nothing I had before. And besides, it's getting started that's the hardest part ^_^
I keep wanting/trying to post my story on here actually, but I suspect that my chapters are far too long for LJ things. My average must be roughly 9000 words per chapter and there's 6 so far. I might do it if I can find the time and motivation for screwing around with LJ trying to get it to let me post everything.
So, just so I know, does anyone know what the character/word limit is on LJs journal posts? Please and thanks if you answer this ^_^,
Carrie xoxo
*looks at tags line*....so can't be bothered with that stuff just now XD >.<
- Location:Living Room
- Mood:apprehensive
- Musical Inspiration:Clock/Tv static
:O
I was walking into the bank today and there was GENUINELY a guy with Oishi's hairstyle!! I actually stopped in my tracks and gaped at him as he passed me, then once he was gone I skipped on my merry way with the happy-fan-girl smile and the resolution to speak of what I witnessed to...em...the roughly-five-people who can see what I type on my lj D:
Seriously though!!
It was brown and cut quite short, maybe an inch or two long, except for two RIDICULOUSLY THIN strands of hair in the same position that Oishi has them.
I've concluded that this guy must be another PoT fan. There's no way his hair looks like that out of sheer coincidence, no way I tell you!
Btw, I'm slightly surprised to find that no one on my flist appears to have said anything at all for the past few days :O???
o.O
Oh well! ^_^,
Carrie xxoo
T_T
;_;
D:
SAVE ME!
The first chapter of my Harry/Draco fic "Diagnosis" has finally been translated and posted in Spanish on FFN! ^_^ :O
You have no idea how honored I was that somone even asked me to let them translate it in the first place! O.O
Especially considering the fact that the person who offered to translate is also the person translating a widely-known and much loved Harry/Draco, Severitus-type story called "Broken Mind, Fractured Soul" by SensiblyTainted. If I was anymore childish, I would actually PM her in order to exclaim "OMG WE HAVE THE SAME EFFING TRANSLATOR!!!! :O" and then flail. A lot.
But I'd rather she didn't conclude that I'm a total headcase, so I shall allow her to remain ignorant for now :P
Anyway, I must leave to try and figure out how to make willing yourself to not be freezing actually work. Sayonara! ^_^,
Carrie xxoo
My weaknesses include issues with sentence structure (I have a habit of trying to cram too much into one sentence), and sometimes therefore the flow of the plot/story can be off/weird.
Also: conversation. Someone reviewed my HD story saying I had far too much conversation.
Connected to the conversation thing, I get the impression some people think I put too much unnecessary information into something, e.g. reeeaaally long anecdotes, or something like that, which might not exactly be essential to whatever I'm writing.
In fact, I think that sometimes I don't give readers enough credit. I reeeeaaally want whatever it is that I'm trying to convey to be crystal clear to readers, which means I often might basically say the same thing twice, just in different words or from a slightly different way of looking at it. Or I give too many "examples" I have a thing about examples. Can't get enough of them and therefore can't seem to stop giving them lol ^_^; Once more, links back to the whole wanting things to be clear thing. It's like I want to arm my readers with every possible variation of explaining something.
Obviously I make efforts not to do all of the above, but I think everyone knows that beta-reading your own work nigh on never works.
I wouldn't say I have TOO much of a problem with spelling or grammar. I don't claim to be perfect, but unless you're super-strict on grammar or something, I don't think you'll have too much work to do on that...except maybe where it ties in with a dodgy sentence structure possibly.
Also, I might ask for suggestions on the plot if I'm majorly stuck with it in some way.
Part of me is scared of beta-readers lol XD But regardless I firmly believe they should be honest, painfully so if necessary. I know it might hurt, but it'd be necessary and would ultimately give me ways of striving to improve my writing. So, I totally don't mind a harsh beta-reader, as long as they tell me how to fix/improve whatever they aren't satisfied with. Also, I won't accept criticism based on a personal dislike. E.g. complaints about something like the pairing or the genre. The beta-reader might not like a pairing, or angst or fluff or whatever, but not everyone feels the same, so "It's too angsty" won't go down too well UNLESS they can explain why they think it's too angsty or fluffy etc in terms of what they think I'm attempting to convey/ if it just totally doesn't fit the situation I'm writing etc etc. Basically, I want a logical reason for saying something like "it's too angsty" other than they don't like it. So long as there is one, criticise all you want ^_^
PLEASE, any suggestions for beta-readers to ask, or even if someone wants to volunteer themselves, it would be extremely helpful. I have the first chapter of a fic that's been sitting for ages, and I really want to post it, but I don't want to post it un-betad.
Oh, one last thing: OBVIOUSLY I'd prefer someone that got through betaing pretty quickly, but speed isn't essential. I understand people have lives. So long as it doesn't take ages for the sake of taking ages, I don't mind how long they take.
I can also say that in general I go over my own work before I would send it to them anyway. So, hopefully that means you shouldn't get anything TOO horribly awful to beta lol XD,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My bed
Someone should write it. Someone who has the time and patience and skills to pull it off :)
It'd be so easy to make the crossover, there's a built in excuse with Nova!
This is how the beginning goes in my mind:
( Idea for beginning... )
Sorry about the atrocious sentence structure and grammar etc in the cut, but when all I'm trying to do is be like "This happened, then blah and blah, so blah, and blah" to try and get the basic gist of the idea out in the most compact form possible I care less about making it story like, hence the utter failure in said aspects of writing.
I can assure you, it isn't any indication of the quality of my ACTUAL writing lol :P,
Carrie xxoo
P.S. SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE THE STORY AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!
- Location:Hotel reception (aka "work")
- Mood:
bored
There is ACTUALLY going to be an anime/art convention WITHIN REASONABLE REACH of me!!
It's the ONLY and FIRST EVER one for the East of Scotland, and guess where it is?
IN MY OWN FREAKING UNIVERSITY'S UNION!!! THAT'S WHERE!!!!!!!
OH! MY! GOD! *dies again*
Seriously though!
It's called D-Con for Dundee Convention I think.
I'm expecting it to be utterly crap due to the fact that it's only the first of it's kind, so they'll just be getting it off of the ground and they won't have managed to get anyone REALLY cool to come to it without any previous reputation to make them want to come and stuff I imagine. Or maybe they will manage and it'll actually be awesome. Who knows. I don't even really care to be honest XD
But it's an anime convention. Something I never in a million years would have thought I'd be anywhere near. They were one of those awesomely cool things that I heard about where people just as fanatical about anime as me went and met other people just like them and squee-ed over lots of awesomely cool things together and had an awesomely cool time and...NOW I CAN DO IT TOO! O.O
The bad thing is that none of my anime-friends will be able to come. I'll barely make it myself I think. But I've convinced my sister to humour me for the day, and so, it's not diffcult to guess where I'll be on Saturday ^_^
YEY!!! It's even FREE!! We're even on wiki now! :O
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D-CON_(anim
Seriously though, are there ANY tenipuri challenge communities that are, y'know, still actually running?? Should I begin mourning pillarchallenge?
And what about whatever is going on with Subrosa?
Actually, can someone PLEASE explain to the as-good-as-newbie what the hell happened there? All I can figure out is that Ai was a mod and something happened where she left and all of a sudden everyone's pulling out and all that shizz. What happened?! o.O If the people running it are all evil and horrible and were mean to her or something I'd kinnda like to know, y'know? Is it even still running without Ai? It doesn't look like it :/ I didn't get a reply to my message asking if it was anyway. Che. Whatever.
But yeah, brings me back to the question of WHERE DID ALL THE FANDOM GO?! T_T
I know three TezuRyo communities, none of which are active as far as I can tell. Not for ages anyway.
I don't even know ANY FujiRyo communities at all. Let alone if they're active. You know what actually? That pairing totally has the potential to be my favourite one, but I have still yet to find a fic that portrays them the way I feel they should be portrayed. In general I actually think TezuRyo is done so much better then FujiRyo.
I'll be making an attempt to do them the way I see them at least. That'll pacify me a bit no doubt. But still, if anyone knows of any genuinely just REALLY good (preferably really long) FujiRyo fics, I could be convinced to the Thrill Pair side over the Pillar Pair side possibly.
Then there's AtoRyo. I'm, like, totally dependant on, like, one author for this pairing practically. And there's only so much one author can do lol XD
(Just in case you're wondering, knw is one of said authors, and I'm TOTALLY of the opinion she should write a long chaptered AtoRyo fic about how they actually get together...That would be awesome *.*....Note to self: Beg knw later...*drools at the thought of said fic *...)
*sigh*... You know what? The lack of PoT fandom is TURNING ME BACK TO HP FANDOM!! :O This, admittedly, is probably a good thing since I have an on-going HP fic that I may actually manage to begin writing again if this renewed interest in HP continues and grows.
Well...I'd have to find time between uni and the jobs first...but to be honest, I could probably write WHILE I work at the hotel. There's not a lot to do at reception, especially since the chefs all abandoned the place and took everything....yeah....don't ask lol...
Anyway. I've probably ranted enough.
One more plea: PLEASE! Does ANYONE know of ANY ACTIVE challenge communities like pillarchallenge ?! (Can be Ryoma/anyone-pretty-much though).
Er. Yeah. Thanks! ^_^;
Carrie xxoo
- Location:Uni Library
- Mood:
distressed - Musical Inspiration:Alones - Aqua Timez
Okay, I know I'm already doing a full-time university degree, and I work at Farmfoods three days a week (or just generally whenever it's open and I'm not at uni ^_^;) , and I'm supposed to be getting trained up on the bar at the golf club so I can work there at nights as well, especially when the golfing season comes around. I have very little time to do much of anything as it is, but then along comes this job offer... ^_^
( The job offer... )
Needless to say I WANT that JOB! *.*
So, I'm going to see the woman at the hotel on Friday about it.Then I think I'll hand in my notice for leaving at farmfoods and say hello to a much easier AND wealthier life ^_^ :P That way I'll just have the two jobs and uni.
Oh. Did I mention how badly I did last week on my software development program assignment?
...
5%
...
*winces* >.<
Yeah...I...have an excuse but it's flimsy lol. I wasn't able to go get help and finish my program on Friday because I had a dentist appointment in Forfar, so i just had to hand it in th way it was, and I handed it in a MINUTE late. Che. Whatever.
Anyway, I'll freely admit I deserved that horrible mark ^_^ I just need to work waaaaaaaaaaay harder this week lol ^_^;
Carrie xxoo
- Location:QMB (computing building at uni)
- Mood:
mellow
*sigh*
I'm massively procrastinating by whining about it of course XD But whatever ^_^
I've confirmed that my bio module STILL has a remarkble ability for putting me to sleep despite my genuinely best efforts to pay attention and write notes. I don't know how it happened, I just kept finding my head nodding forward as I almost fell asleep throughout the lecture today. It was something about the laws of thermodynamics. Meh. I only got a C3 for my bio module last semester too, so I really need to concentrate.
Although I AM considering switching to another completely random other module in the hope it's better than this crap :/
Ooh! Guess what!! ^_^ I got an A1 for my sotf dev module in semester 1 O.O
It's not looking like it'll be the same this semester if this week is anything to go by though...I may cry. Or have to pull an all-nighter again and fall asleep in the shower as I've already done FOUR times tonight...che...stupid librarian chucking out my relentless >.<...anyhoo ^_^;
I actually had lots to say but I REALLY can't be bothered right now considering the awful blank I'm drawing right now...
Well...ja ne I guess! ^_^,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My bed
- Mood:
Baffled o.O - Musical Inspiration:My netbook's whirring
Wooooooooooow, it's been a day since I decided to at least try and churn something out for PoT, and I've already got 2268 words! :O
Y'know, I think I might enter the subrosa_tennis thing. I figure it'd be a good place to try and gauge whether or not I'm on the right track while I try and settle in to writing for my new favourite fandom :) It'd be a good place to get my work out there in order for it to get some decent criticism.
So far it's...*tilts head*...well, actually, now that I try and pin-point the POV in order to tell you, I've just realised I've made it kind of odd :S I would generally say it's from Fuji's point of view, but technically it's really a slightly distant third person all the way through. So far. It's in the voice of a narrator telling you Fuji's thoughts, feelings and experiences of life in general over a long period of time. The whole of what I've written SO FAR is very contemplative, almost a bit like a character study in some ways, at least it's how I see Fuji anyway. How I see how he became the way he is, how he feels about things, why his personality seems to be a certain way. And it's all really just an elaborate explanation of how he works in order to explain how/why he does/feels what I'll have him do/feel in my fic. Nothing has actually happened though. There isn't a scene or a place or a character that we're physically there with yet. It's hard to explain.
I know! You know if an author were to write stuff like "Ryoma was someone that really liked blah, and often he would try and blah, but sometimes he would find that blah happened (etc etc etc) and so that is why ryoma could be found doing blah in blah place with blah (etc etc etc)"?
Where it starts off not really in a place with a character, it's just telling you stuff in general before it relates what it's saying to where the opening setting and characters are? It's like that, except my starty bit is 2238 words long lol? o.O XD
To be honest, it's actually pretty tezuka/fuji at the moment, at least that's what people would think if they read what I have just now. But now is the point at which I will stop writing in a setting-the-scene/explaining-stuff voice and sort of say "And then along came Ryoma...*switch style to more story-telling than contemplative* "
Well! I hope you'll read when it's finally done and let me know if it's a load of crap! ^_^ Actually, I'd really be interested in your thoughts on what I make of Fuji's character. Whether or not you agree and stuff lol :P,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My bed
- Mood:
productive - Musical Inspiration:None again.
1. An OT5 beginning, since all I have so far in my head is a beginning if I go down that road in my mind.
2. A Seigaku OT3 (Tezuka, Fuji andRyoma).
3. A Pillar pair fic.
2 and 3 are actually the same idea, just without a decision on the final pairing. 2 is more likely looking at how I'm starting off though I think...No wait! Maybe not *tilts head*...
Gah! I think this is one of those times where I just have to write and see what turns out on the paper, see where I'm lead.
But either way, I have about 1000 words of a beginning, all of it centered around Fuji to start off with. Even though he'll technically be the oustider in terms of the POVs I'll be writing, this is the best way I can think of to start introducing everything.
By the way, if anyone wants to get an idea of what my writing is like, I have a link to my fanfiction.net account where I have about 6 chapters up of a Harry Potter story (Harry/Draco eventually). It has 173 reviews so far, which I'm amazingly happy about since it's just my first fic ^_^
Summary: Harry is diagnosed with cancer during 6th year, turning his world upside down and making him re-think every aspect of his life. He decides to make some changes before it's too late, and complete a "Before I Die" list, on which love steals a space. OOC! HD
It should give you an idea of what my writing style/vocabulary/gammer etc is like at the very least I imagine, then you can decide if you're going to be interested in what I might be cooking up, or if you figure my style isn't what you're into/you find it too amatuer/whatever.
Anyway, off to continue trying to write this thing ^_^,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My bed
- Mood: productive
- Musical Inspiration:Nadda
:O Omg!! ^_^
I just checked my uni mail account and found an email with my psychology module's final results, and omg I can't believe what I've managed to pull off lol! XD ^_^ I've managed to get an A3! Yey! ^_^ That's a first class degree so far ^_^ :O
( Grade Breakdown... )
Anyway, I have a possible idea for a Prince of Tennis fic floating around. The bad thing about me is I find it hard to STOP my imagination, so my ideas are all INSANELY LONG novel length ideas, and I don't have the time, patience or motivation to undertake all these commitment-demanding ideas. Not while I already have an insanely long and demanding fic ahead of me of FFN for Harry Potter. Honestly, finding the inspiration and hard work to transfer my ideas to paper is hard enough as it is without stretching myself between more lengthly stories like it. And the fact that my mind will NOT let go of Prince of Tennis my poor fic is suffering ;_;
I'm hoping getting a one-shot out there might get it out of my system long enough to get on with the next chapter of Diagnosis.
Che. Yeah right...
ANYWAY. Yeah. The point is, if I do manage to get out this one-shot out then it'll be a very LONG one-shot. Or an extremely short chaptered fic? Meh. I just need to make my brain find a point of conclusion before it makes it any longer/demanding, plus I still need to decide my end paring.
I had originally planned for tezuryo, but honestly I'm a super-sucker for OT5 and my plans seem to rapidly heading that direction :/ We'll see I guess *sigh* Anyway, I'm out! ^_^,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My sister's bedroom
- Mood:
ecstatic - Musical Inspiration:The sound of Kyle typing Dawn's essay up :P
>:(
This feaking thing is annoying the feck out of me!!
I remember playing final fantasy 7 years ago when I was younger, and I absolutely loved it. I was convinced I was almost onto the second disk too because I had been playing so long; I just HAD to be lol. But then some highly annoying baka went and deleted my game from the memory card. This was me:
O.O
:O
>.<
¬_¬
;_;
T_T
Yep. I was properly gutted lol. And there was NO WAY I was going through all of that again, so I never finished the game that I loved :(
Now, for old times sake I guess, I decided I really wanted to play it again and therefore asked Gavin (my best-friend/ex-boyfriend/person I love(?)/whatever he is now...I guess I could sum it up in "other half" XD) if he'd get me a ps1 for xmas and I'd ask my parents to get the game for me.
Everyone agreed and I was super happy to have everything I needed, and I went to go play the game tonight...there is, however, a problem.
Considering both things are kinnda old-school, they had to be bought second-hand over the internet, and now that I've gone to play it tonight...well...it's FREAKING EVIL! >.<
Every fecking time there's a scene change the freakin' screen FREEZES and doesn't actually get to the next screen for ages! I'm being serious, I just waited 50 mins for the "items" bit in the menu to load!! :O
And because I love the game so much and want to play, I'm actually being insane enough to wait through them. It gets a bit beyond a joke sometimes though :/
I'll finally get past one freeze only to have a conversation about 6 lines long with a character, and then there;ll be another freeze, and then I'll maybe get a bit of the story-moving-along graphics, and then another freeze, and then maybe another few lines of conversation, and then ANOTHER!
FREEZE!
!
!
!
*is stomping feet and pulling out hair*
...
...
GAH!
*breathes deeply*
...
...
Okay. I think I'm done now ^_^
I'm typing this during a freeze lol ^_^;
*glances at black screen*
...
...
¬_¬
- Location:The couch, with my duvet
- Mood:
irritated - Musical Inspiration:Final Fantasy game-background music >.
Wow...HELLO! ^_^
You'd think I was new to lj but really I'm not. Technically I've had an account on this thing for about a year but I never did get around to figuring the place out until now :P I figured it was about time I posted something. Although, if this ends up like trying to keep a diary, I will probably fail. I've tried to keep diarys in the past and it just hasn't worked.
Diarys are supposed to help a lot with letting your emotions out and stuff right? Well, I'm not someone who keeps stuff bottled up. If I'm pissed off I'll quite happily rant at the nearest person and that's it over and done with in my mind, I don't feel the need to let it all out in writing somewhere else :) So, I think that's why my attempts at keeping them more or less fail every time. But I guess this time it will hopefully be a bit different cos this time aound I'm actually talking TO someone. That would make a big difference I imagine.
Besides, this whole train of thought is actually rather pointless in the long run since my real intentions for this website pretty much all revolve around fanfics, which isn't really anything like a diary .
But! I like to be friendly and I like getting to know people and whatnot, so I figure that I still should actually use it like I've seen others use it and just post whatever takes their/my fancy about life because it'll help let you guys know a bit about who I am and what I'm all about ^_^
Btw, you'll quickly learn that I'm incapable of being brief ^_^;
But, since it's the beginning of 2009 and I'm just starting on this thing I suppose I could do a bit of a summary of my 2008. It's definately one of those years I'll remember anyway, lots of important stuff happened in it ^_^
Okay, I guess I'll have mercy on your poor, poor eyes and stop with the constant rambling chatter now XD God knows I've written enough. I think....
....
I hope the cut thing works! :/,
Carrie xxoo
- Location:My bed.
- Mood: nostalgic
- Musical Inspiration:Live Your Life by T.I. and Rihanna...playing only in my head though..
